This would be my 3rd Knee Knacker start line, and had I not finished my first Knee Knacker in a blaze of glory just under the 10 hour cut off, I would seriously be wondering if this race was a little out of my league. Last year, my second go round, leading up to race day was a non-stop battle with injuries. I knew I was under-trained and odds of finishing were slim to none. But I was still going to give it my all and have fun. This year I was healthy and had some great 8+ hour adventures under my belt. I thought I was ready. My biggest fear wasn't DNF'ing. It was disappointing everyone involved with the race and bringing down their amazing finisher percentage. I know it's meant as a positive thing. It motivates you to know that so many others have finished before you, but jesus the pressure of being that one that doesn't, lowering the percentile a second year in a row. For the past 3 years I have been fortunate enough to be given a coveted spot in the race for my fundraising efforts for the North Shore Search & Rescue Team. There has been no lottery day stress for me in the past three years, and because of that I was feeling like I HAD to finish. There are a very limited number of guaranteed spots in this race and I didn't want anyone thinking that giving it to me was a wasted spot. I know this is ridiculous, but once it's in your head, no matter how many friends tell you how ridiculous you're being, it just keeps snowballing into the grandest Frosty the Snowman you've ever seen. Like, Stay Puff Marshmallow Man size. Plus, they're your friends, of course they'll tell you this. It's not until strangers involved with the race insist there are no expectations that you finally start to believe it's okay. My last big adventure day up Black Mountain, and boy was it a doozy, had two random meetups that left one hell of an impression with me.
I like to get a few practice sessions of the first half in, especially Black Mountain. But this year there was just so much snow. After hearing the snow was finally gone until just after Eagle Bluffs, and race day looming, it was now or never. As promised, the route was clear until after the Bluffs, and then it became a winter wonderland. At times, my feet were above the BP signs in the trees. It was beautiful, it was fun, and I was cursing not having a Krazy Karpet to ride down to the parking lot. Knowing the section between Cypress and Hollyburn was snowy as all hell and had a couple sketchy creek crossings, I had a reroute planned. I was going to bomb down Cypress Road and veer across to the Dam via Skyline. Flying down the road, I had a bike pull up next to me. She recognized me from a previous Knee Knacker. At one point I told her I feel like I'm letting everyone down if I don't finish because the spot was given to me. (Yeah, yeah...I know fundraising over $3,000 each time for NSR means I too earned my spot, but it's not earned in the lottery. Totally illogical, I know.) Anyways, this kind soul said to me, "Knee Knacker isn't about finishing. It's about the experience. It's about the journey. It's about the people." You know what? She nailed it. And being a stranger, it resonated so much more with me. I finally started to believe it. Eventually she rode away and I carried on down the hill. It was when I realized I missed my turnoff for Skyline Trail I brought out Google Maps. The lying sons of bitches at Google Maps. Remember? Adventure.
It took a good half hour of standing and sitting at the Cypress Aid for my breathing to become normal again. Thankfully one of the spectacular vollies asked me if I wanted a beverage. My immediate response was, "Nah...I've still got some nuun in here." followed immediately by "Wait. You said 'beverage'." So thank you awesome vollie for giving away Ean's beers.
I ate Black Mountain for breakfast, and had a beer chaser at 9:15.
Hanging out at the finish was bittersweet. It's so exciting to be there to watch everyone finish, but it hurts to know you weren't one of them and didn't even make it past the first quarter. Every hug and sympathetic look was soothing and crushing at the same time.
I went to my doctor to ensure everything was still running like clockwork and to see if we could find out WHY. My blood work was normal, my blood pressure was exactly the same as it had been 2 years prior. I was sent for an echocardiogram to make sure my murmur was still a non-issue, but the appointment was 3 months away. Even knowing that everything was pretty much okay, there was still the question of why. I avoided trail running for 4 months, initially because I was worried I'd be alone in the forest and something would happen, but eventually that just became an excuse. I ran road a lot. There was never fear there. If something did happen, I was surrounded by people.
Finally I had my echo and went back to chat with my doctor. Everything looked fine. We've decided I may have a minor case of asthma and I was extremely under fueled. As Melissa said to me in our initial nutrition session, "You may be fueling for someone who runs a 6 km, but not for what we do." I'm slowly learning to adapt to changes in my diet and am loving the suggestions and feedback Mel is giving me. Now most days that I run, at least in winter when it's cold and damp, I use an inhaler before I head out. I went for my first trail run in 4 months and it was glorious. Once again, I was beaming from ear to ear; racing mountain bikers down Espresso and playing with every dog I come across. I don't know how I stayed away for so long. And still, I've only been back twice. It seems the longer you stay away, the harder it is to return.
In the coming year, I'm going to focus on doing races I'm excited about. I am so lucky to be back with #teamnuun for a 3rd year, this time as a Legacy member. I'm also very excited to have been added to #teamtap representing Canadian brand Endurance Tap for 2018. So far on my calendar I'll be running the BMO Vancouver Marathon for however many times it's been. 11 now? And of course Knee Knacker. I'm hoping to get away for another amazing adventure like Antelope Canyon 55, which was by far the best race experience I've ever had. And maybe just maybe, taking up a little more training for either Van 100 or Zion 100 in 2019. And as I said to Enzo at the finish area of Knee Knacker this year, "I will do Knee Knacker every single year I am fortunate enough to get in." The community is like nothing I've ever seen or experienced before.