This past year, I was handed a lot of lemons with regards to my running. I made a lot of sour twisted lemon faces before realizing I needed to sit back and make some lemonade. Instead of feeling like I had just popped an entire bag of Warheads in my mouth, I needed to sit on the veranda with my feet up, add some sugar to the pitcher and slowly sip the lemonade.
To say I was under-trained for Knee Knacker this past Saturday is an understatement.To say I was prepared for those race day conditions is a down and out blasphemous lie. I knew coming into this race that I was really going to be pushing the cutoff times, even more so than the previous year. To be injured for 6 months, bounce back, then get knocked back down to the ground by one injury after another, I just didn't have enough solid trail time to be prepared. But you can still hope that everything will line up perfectly on race day and just go out there and give it your all. That was my plan. I wasn't stressed about the cutoff times. I would just give it all I had and do the best I could. What more can you ask for, besides having race day conditions that don't lead to a nickname #yearofthesquall?
The forecast was for showers until noon. Instead, we had 80% of the monthly average for July in the 3 hours leading up to the race start. 28.4mm of rain between 3 am and 6 am. And it didn't stop there. But this is North Vancouver and we train in rain all year long. This is nothing new, or so I thought. I knew there were several runnable sections in that initial 4000 foot climb to Black Mountain and my goal was to run whenever I could without draining myself so early in the race. I had my Nuun hat to keep the water from dripping down my face and my North Face Ultra-Lite Waterproof Short Sleeved Jacket, so the pouring rain wasn't a factor in that sense. I was wet and a little bit filthy, but nothing out of the ordinary by the time I'd reached the Eagle Bluffs. And then I hit the mud of Cypress. I felt like I was 6 again, playing in the mud. I was on a high and loved splashing from one mud puddle to the next. The normally scrambly switchbacks down to the Cypress Aid Station weren't so scrambly after all that rain. So I flew down them into the aid fired up and laughing. Tom let me pass thru because of this energy. I grabbed some watermelon, emptied my shoes of rocks for the first of many times and went on my way.
To say I was under-trained for Knee Knacker this past Saturday is an understatement.To say I was prepared for those race day conditions is a down and out blasphemous lie. I knew coming into this race that I was really going to be pushing the cutoff times, even more so than the previous year. To be injured for 6 months, bounce back, then get knocked back down to the ground by one injury after another, I just didn't have enough solid trail time to be prepared. But you can still hope that everything will line up perfectly on race day and just go out there and give it your all. That was my plan. I wasn't stressed about the cutoff times. I would just give it all I had and do the best I could. What more can you ask for, besides having race day conditions that don't lead to a nickname #yearofthesquall?
The forecast was for showers until noon. Instead, we had 80% of the monthly average for July in the 3 hours leading up to the race start. 28.4mm of rain between 3 am and 6 am. And it didn't stop there. But this is North Vancouver and we train in rain all year long. This is nothing new, or so I thought. I knew there were several runnable sections in that initial 4000 foot climb to Black Mountain and my goal was to run whenever I could without draining myself so early in the race. I had my Nuun hat to keep the water from dripping down my face and my North Face Ultra-Lite Waterproof Short Sleeved Jacket, so the pouring rain wasn't a factor in that sense. I was wet and a little bit filthy, but nothing out of the ordinary by the time I'd reached the Eagle Bluffs. And then I hit the mud of Cypress. I felt like I was 6 again, playing in the mud. I was on a high and loved splashing from one mud puddle to the next. The normally scrambly switchbacks down to the Cypress Aid Station weren't so scrambly after all that rain. So I flew down them into the aid fired up and laughing. Tom let me pass thru because of this energy. I grabbed some watermelon, emptied my shoes of rocks for the first of many times and went on my way.
The NSR sweeps were right on my ass. At times it was comforting to have their voices behind me, especially at every sketchy creek crossing. To be able to turn around and see a glimpse of a bright red NSR jacket was reassuring. I wasn't alone out here anymore. When they introduced themselves to me as the sweeps, I told them I just needed to get to the Hollyburn turnoff, then they wouldn't see me again. From that point, with the exception of that one short climb out of Brothers Creek, it was all downhill to the Dam and I loved those descents. Unfortunately, about halfway down I started to lose it. I was so tired of running in a creek, not just crossing the odd creek, but literally running through a creek the entire way. My quads were tired and sore, my emotions were rapidly dwindling and I was just fucking miserable. My thoughts became "It's just so damn far to the dam." Not even the finish, just to the dam. I had already rolled my ankles three times and post-holed in the mud pits three times, somehow managing to stay on my feet. The conditions had slowed me down immensely and even without a watch I sensed I wouldn't be making that 5 hour cutoff. But I still had to try. I knew after the 4th time of having to empty my shoes I did not have another 5 hours in me in these conditions. I just wanted to be done. Coming into the Dam I yelled at Tom, "Please tell me I missed the cutoff!" I had. I think he said it was 5:14 but the timing mat was already rolled up and the aid tent was being torn down. They were so kind to have left out some plates of food for when I arrived. I was ecstatic to be done. Had I made the cutoff, I could have been talked into continuing but I was so damn grateful that scenario would never play out.
I spent the rest of Saturday at LSCR Aid and the Party in the Park cheering runners in, completely at peace with surviving 5 1/4 hours. Sunday I woke up broken. I had never been so physically or mentally tired in my life. I was emotionally shattered, randomly breaking into tears. I forced myself to go to Starbucks, hoping the caffeine would perk me up. On my way home I stopped at the park to watch a beer league ball game being played. I stared vacantly at the innings passing by, occasionally wiping my cheeks from the random tears. I knew wholeheartedly that, yes...this DNF was in my control, but it was also completely out of my control. Had I moved faster, I would have made 5 hours and been convinced to carry on. That was all on me. But I also knew that it was just in April where I was grateful to have run 1 km pain free, on completely flat ground. Since the previous year's Knee Knacker, I had only run over 20 km three times. Three times in an entire year. The longest run being 24 km. My injuries and never-ending road to recovery had me so limited as to what was realistic. Add in #yearofthesquall and there was no hope in hell. The lead runners were 20 minutes slower than their own previous times. This alone should convince me that there was nothing I could have done differently. But I was so broken down, this logic wouldn't compute. Two days later and I am still utterly exhausted.
The way my body played out in this race, I came to the simplest conclusion. I need to take care of me, first and foremost. So Squamish is off the table. I need to work on healing my body completely and then healthily building up my mileage, rather than trying to cram in the training for 130km over 2 days within the next month. It would be stupid to risk another year of running for one weekend of racing. It's time to break out the NUUN bike jersey (arriving in TWO MORE DAYS!!!) and build up some leg strength. It's time to rediscover my love for yoga. And most importantly, it's time to run for joy instead of spending so much of the run focused on my injured legs and how they're feeling at every turn.
I need to thank Andrew Flynn & Jessie Wong at the Physio Room for making it even possible to line up at the start line. They not only waved the magic wand to take the pain away, they gave me the tools to keep the pain from returning. I go to both the Oak Street location and the Main Street location and cannot recommend either enough. To find a PT where you get one on one time your entire appointment is critical. To find this with people you genuinely like and trust with your body, is out of this world.
And thank you to Team Nuun for the constant support and love. Not only have you kept me hydrated in all my endeavors, you've invited me into the most supportive community I've ever been a part of. It's like having a 600+ Cheer Squad following you wherever you go.
The way my body played out in this race, I came to the simplest conclusion. I need to take care of me, first and foremost. So Squamish is off the table. I need to work on healing my body completely and then healthily building up my mileage, rather than trying to cram in the training for 130km over 2 days within the next month. It would be stupid to risk another year of running for one weekend of racing. It's time to break out the NUUN bike jersey (arriving in TWO MORE DAYS!!!) and build up some leg strength. It's time to rediscover my love for yoga. And most importantly, it's time to run for joy instead of spending so much of the run focused on my injured legs and how they're feeling at every turn.
I need to thank Andrew Flynn & Jessie Wong at the Physio Room for making it even possible to line up at the start line. They not only waved the magic wand to take the pain away, they gave me the tools to keep the pain from returning. I go to both the Oak Street location and the Main Street location and cannot recommend either enough. To find a PT where you get one on one time your entire appointment is critical. To find this with people you genuinely like and trust with your body, is out of this world.
And thank you to Team Nuun for the constant support and love. Not only have you kept me hydrated in all my endeavors, you've invited me into the most supportive community I've ever been a part of. It's like having a 600+ Cheer Squad following you wherever you go.